Comparisons; Or The Art of Finding Parents Who Are Worse Than You

We've all done it.  Don't lie.  You know what I'm talking about.  That thing that parents do to other parents.

You're on a bus, in a store, at the doctor's office, or any of the plethora of places one might find a child having a meltdown.  The child is screaming at the top of their lungs, red-faced, choking on their own rage because they desperately want - no, no they NEED - that thing that they wanted...that...thing...well, they don't really remember what the thing was, but that's not the point.  Whatever it was, their cruel and unkind parent would not give it to them and now they must voice their shock and outrage at being treated so shabbily by someone who purports to love them.  And voice it they do.  Loudly.  Over and over and over again.  And many times, they even manage to add some crocodile tears into the bargain.

Now, while every child inevitably tries this same ploy in their efforts to gain more worldly goods, it seems that every parent will differ in their approach to dealing with it.  But generally we can be grouped into five categories:

1. The Pushover - The name speaks for itself.  Quick to flip flop on their stance, this parent will happily fork over whatever their little tyrant is demanding if only the shrill shrieking will cease.
2.  The Competitor - This parent is sure that if they can just scream louder than their offspring, the child will stop screeching to try and make out the sage advice that's being bellowed at them.
3.  The Beggar - Desperate to make the wailing stop, this parent often gets down close to the child and says things like, "Please, stop it."  and "I need you to stop yelling."
4.  The Briber - Closely linked to The Beggar (and often embodied in the same parent) The Briber can usually be heard to utter things like, "If you stop crying and are a good little boy, I'll give you a cookie when we get home."
5.  The Ostrich - This parent is convinced that if they just pretend that the demon which has temporarily taken hold of their precious angel isn't actually manifesting itself, then said demon will disappear and their beautiful cherub will reappear.

In the past month or so, while out with my daughter, I have twice resorted to "The Beggar" and once to "The Ostrich", instead of being a "good mommy" and removing her from the public place until she'd calmed down. As a result of these experiences you'd think that I'd be more charitable to my fellow parents.  But no.  When I see a parent using any of the 5 tantrum coping techniques I tend to think,  "Ugh!  Can't you control your kid?"  The answer that I should be giving myself is, "Can you control yours?"

Of course, there are always going to be parental behaviours I despise.  (The Pushover and The Competitor really do set my teeth on edge.)  But I need to learn to stop mentally flaying parents who are genuinely trying their best.  Even if I think they're making a mistake by bribing their kids with the promise of sweets, or by passing over the toy, I need to be more charitable to my brothers and sisters in parenthood.  In short, I need to cut them some slack and get that judgey look off my face.

Who's with me?  Cause you know you do it too.  Oh, you do so.  No?  Hmmmm...well, maybe I'm just a bitch, then.  ;-)

Happy Parenting, Everyone!