Not completely alone, of course. I'd be lost without my circle of friends and family. But I'm a single parent. Completely single. As in, there's no one but me. For reasons which will not be discussed here (and honestly are pretty much incomprehensible to me, anyway) my daughter's father isn't a part of her life. So, it's just her and I. Just me and my Beth. And it's awesome!
And in some ways, it's hard.
For one thing, it means being in parent mode 24/7. It means not being a part of a tag team; not being able to say, "Okay, parenting partner, you're up." But as I said, I have a fantastic network of people I can rely on, so I can't complain about this too much.
More difficult, is not having someone there on a daily basis to share in the wonder of my baby girl. Not having that other person to laugh with when she's being her super adorable, hilarious self. Or another person to sigh and gaze in amazement at the transcendent perfection of her face as she sleeps. Again, though, I turn to my group of marvelous friends and family whom I torture with endless stories, detailing her every waking minute. (Actually, I'm pretty sure they don't consider it torture.) So, I can't complain too much about this either.
Of course, there are also more financial things to worry about when it's just you earning the cash. From what I understand; though, even dual-income households are hurting these days. In the end then, there's only one true concern I have about being a "completely on my own" single parent; the worry about how my daughter will feel about her father as she grows up.
Overall, though, because of the amazing support of my friends and family, being a "completely on my own" single parent is doable. Which brings me to the point of this post. I'm sure I'll have A LOT of people who disagree with me but in some ways, I think things are easier with only one parent.
This is not to say that I think one parent is better than two. There is no doubt in my mind that having two happy, well-adjusted, loving parents who get along is the best possible option for a child. Even if the parents aren't together as a couple anymore, if they are those things - happy - well-adjusted - loving - then a child stands a great shot at staying out of therapy.
But if you have parents who are divorced and can't stand each other or who are still married despite the fact that they can't stand each other, then a child is in trouble. And so are the parents. Think about how much more stress you have to deal with if the other person in your parenting partnership is your enemy. No matter where the blame lies (and it's usually at both pairs of feet) constant arguing and competition and frustration is going to get exhausting really quick.
So, in a lot of ways, I'm lucky. I don't have to deal with the daily torment of an angry ex-partner. Or the helplessness of dealing with a parenting partner who doesn't think they have to include me in parenting decisions. Or the frustration of seeing a person I really don't like anymore raising my child. There is a sense of peace in that. And most of all, NO drama!
With all that being said, at some point in my daughter's life, I'm going to have to try to convince her that her father not being here has NOTHING to do with her. I'm hoping that the lack of parental drama in her childhood will make up for any anxieties she has to deal with as a result. Well, a lack of drama and a lot of hugs. I'm hoping that's the secret combination.
No comments:
Post a Comment