This week I turned 33. It's a completely random age. There's no special significance attached to it. There was no big party planned. Just a couple of little get-togethers with friends and lots of friendly and surprisingly affecting "Happy Birthday" messages on Facebook.
But for some reason this birthday has been bothering me more than most.
Usually I barely notice a birthday's approach. I long ago stopped looking forward to birthdays but they don't fill me with dread like they do for some. Ordinarily. But this year...
Maybe dread is too strong a word. But this year I was definitely watching the September days zoom past like a television spy watches the red numbers on a ticking bomb. The calendar seemed determined to bring me ever closer to another birthday; another year of ageing; another year closer to the end of all my years. Okay, maybe dread isn't too strong a word.
But I finally realized something yesterday. The problem lies in what I said earlier. "I long ago stopped looking forward to birthdays". Why? At what age did I decide that getting older wasn't something to celebrate? When we are little, getting older is something to revel in; truly something to cheer about.
By the time we get to be "grown-ups" we have forgotten that every year of our life is a gift; something to take joy in and be thankful for. Instead we see growing older as a curse, something that must be fought with unswerving dedication and more weapons than any military could boast. The products in our arsenal sound vaguely magical; "anti-ageing serum"; "anti-wrinkle renewing cream". They all promise to keep us looking not a day over 20, even after we're six years in the grave! Magic indeed.
I've decided that I hate the term "anti-ageing". (Almost, but not quite as much as I hate the word, "tween". *shudder*) "Anti-ageing" is really defined as "against ageing". Why? Why do we put SO much focus in our society on staying young? What is it we are so afraid of losing? Because the fact is when we age, we actually gain so much. We gain wisdom and insight. We gain a knowledge of ourselves and of others that was previously lacking.
I think what we really fear, is losing that zeal for life that the young possess. After all, as adults we sometimes think we know ourselves so well that we are sure we could never do THIS scary thing, or take on THAT daunting challenge. We sometimes "know what people are like" to the point of bitterness, positive that people will fulfil our worst suspicions about them. So we long for the innocence of youth. We yearn to be able to once again look at the world and see all the possibilities and adventures waiting for us.
Here's an idea. What if we took pride in the wisdom we've gained from our previous years of experience while still managing to anticipate the coming year with the glee of a little kid? If we could be proud of what we already know, but realize that there are still whole worlds waiting to be learnt, we may find a balance between youth and age, between insight and innocence.
Now if we could only manage to remain flexible enough to put our feet behind our heads, we'd be all set!
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